To my beautiful Bear.

 

 

To my beautiful Bear.
 

This morning wasn’t a good day for either of us, I hate to see the beautiful eyes of yours filled with tears.

You tell me you’re sad and you wanted to stay with mummy but I still took you to school, I took you because I know how much you love it.
 
You have no idea why you are feeling the way you feel, I can only imagine how that must feel, you just know something isn’t right.
 
I tell you mummy loves you every day because I really do. when I ask you if you love mummy sometimes you say No or like last night you said; 
 
“Eyebrows, nose, eye’s, mouth” while touching my face.
 
You tell me you love mummy in your own way- like when you put both your hands on my face and just look at me or when you hug me for no reason.
 
You may never say the words “I love you” you may not even fully understand the concept of love but I know you do love me, I see it in your eyes every day.
 
You didn’t want to take your favourite PJ’s off this morning, mummy knows how much they mean to you. 
I know how much you love being at home if you had your way you would never leave the house but you have to baby.
 
I heard you screaming out my name as I left when you went out the room, I didn’t want to leave you, I left you because you work better when mummy isn’t with you.
 
Mummy would never leave you unless I knew you would be ok, you just needed to break the cycle of the last few days.
 
Mummy will always be your voice, I will always stand up for you and I will always love you.
Know that we all love our Bear and wouldn’t have you any other way!
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Snow days aren’t always fun days……

Well, we weren’t expecting snow in March that’s for certain!

It honestly feels like half term but without the added expensive, other than the boys eating us out of house & home.

Having snow is very much like the hottest day of the year (other then it being the coldest) everyone heads over the county park for hours of fun, but for us we haven’t been able to join.

It’s taken Teddie 4 days to go out in the snow, even when Gareth & I had a snowball fight in the garden with Harvey & Alfie Teddie wasn’t bothered in the slightest. Teddie’s fear of getting wet overrides the enjoyment of having fun in the snow.

Walking to school on Monday brought a challenge in itself. Teddie had new school shoes but wouldn’t allow them to get wet so we walked in his wellies- which is fine I hear you cry, however Teddie will not allow you to change his shoes once he’s at school, new or old ones.

We have spent the week segmenting phonics using alphablock pec cards, drawing, crying, and eating half a ton of bread!

This morning Teddie saw I was getting his pants and socks out, he came up close to me and said;

“Teddie stay with bubby (mummy)”

Having even a few days off school I fear we will be back to square one with his transition. The first day back to school after half term is normally fine but Tuesday onwards he’s normally very unsettled, this could possibly be the same next week.

Cabin fever has certain set in, I haven’t been able to get anything done as Teddie likes the laptop on, only Godsend is he never wants the Tv on!

I am well and truly over the snow, I’d like to be able to leave the village without fear of not getting back in but most of all I need the routine back for Teddie.

Leaving the house has always been a battle for Teddie if he had his way he’d stay at home in his rocket PJ’s all day every day!

We love our Bear and wouldn’t have him any other way!

Unplugging your kids, good luck……..

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I know we aren’t the only ones who have woke up first thing in the morning and thought S**t we forgot to plug the Kindle or Ipad in before we went to bed, hell is about to break out!!!

Having 3 children with roughly a 5 year age gap we have parented with & without technology.
Mobile phones had only just taken off when we had Harvey, the dark screen and the one game (snakes) was not appealing enough for me to hand the phone over to him when I needed him to be quiet, He did, however, like to use my brick of a phone as a teething soother!

Even years later Harvey never had any devices as a young child nor did Alfie when he came alone.
Harvey got his first console (ps2?) when he was about 8, think it was Gareths old one we certainly didn’t go out and buy him one at that age. We brought Harvey an iPod when he was about 10 as he broke his hand & arm just as we were about to fly out to Turkey (we still went)
We then brought Harvey an iPad for Christmas when he was 11, he never asked for one but all his friends had one & we knew the secretly wanted one.

Alfie got a kindle fire on his 8th birthday & got a PS4 on his last birthday, age 10.

Oh, how times have changed since the older two were young. Homework is now online, maths test are online everything is online now, mainly, as most households have internet access in their homes.

I got a kindle fire a few years ago for my birthday, Teddie was about 2. The minute I spotted a kids game with Mickey Mouse clubhouse in it I downloaded it and handed the kindle to Teddie, BIG MISTAKE!

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Our house is now filled with stressed out kids & parents arguing over where the bloody charger is!
The kindle charger is the same as the PS4 chargers, we have 2 kindles, 2 PS4 but only 1 bloody charger. 4 iPhones, 1 iPod (still going strong) 1 iPad but only 2 chargers, got loads of plugs but no leads!!

As a rule, I don’t set a time limit on devices but what I do do is monitor the children’s behaviour when they are on it.
I wrote before about the effects screen time has on children but even if I haven’t studied it the evidence shows itself.

When the boys (Harvey & Alfie) have been on their consoles for a few hours all I hear is banging on the floor, moaning and crying. To say it wines me up would be an understatement, it boils my blood and all I wanna do is shout and screen at them. It’s a bloody game for Christ sake but, it’s important to them so I do a little (sometimes a massive) inside scream to myself and give them a warning about their anger and frustration forwards the GAME!

Just after Christmas, we stopped Teddie having any electronic devices in the morning. Teddie was getting so distressed when I was telling him to pack away his Kindle as he had school, Teddie would just say

‘No school’

As much as devices can be a lifesaver they can also be the devil!! Teddie becomes easily wound up, screams ‘it’s not working’ especially when we are out as I cannot find a bloody wifi source, the game is lagging or worse still the battery goes!!!

Every night at bedtime we remind Teddie ‘No Kindle, No laptop, No iPad. Teddie only ever has the Kindle or laptop but if we didn’t cover all devices he’ll think he can have it as we haven’t said no to it-he’s not stupid!

When Teddie has his Kindle he goes off into his own world, he completely loses sight of what is going on around him. He doesn’t interact with any of us which really makes me sad. Once the Kindle runs out of battery that’s it for the day, you generally know when that happens as he throws it in the other direction!

Since we have stopped him going on devices morning, noon & night he plays more with his bricks & certainly bangs more often!

For us this works, it may not for everyone else, we are not the perfect parents, our children will have their devices when we r at a restaurant, in the car or on a long flight but we no longer allow them to have them all day.

FYI, the 101 ideas on how to unplug your child are crap!

 

What is ‘normal’

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Living with a Bear can only be described as unpredictable,  Bear is our 3-year-old son Teddie. 

Teddie is our 3rd son, he wasn’t planned but we were overjoyed when he came into the world. 

Having a 3rd child didn’t feel much different than having 2 children, what was hard was the age gap. There are 10 years from oldest to youngest and 6 years from middle to youngest. 

For about a year after we had Teddie my husband and I would find ourselves saying:

‘This time last year we would be chilling on the beach, (the older two would be kind of self-sufficient)

This time last year we were…….

you get the drift, we were still adjusting to life with a small boy. 

Teddie hit all his milestones apart from one. At 2 he still wasn’t saying anything, and I mean nothing. 

As the health visitor entered our house I knew I had a jobsworth here, she was an older health visitor and I knew then Teddie wouldn’t conform and tick all her boxes. 

We went through the motions, can he do this, can he do that, I brought up the fact that Teddie wasn’t saying anything first as It Is always easier hearing it from the parent rather than the professional. 

25 words are the baseline for toddler talkers but this is for late talkers, 75-225 words are the ‘normal’ range for a 2-year-old so Teddie showed signs of delays.

A referral was made and we waited a few weeks for an appointment to see speech and language, It was in October so Teddie would be 2 years 5 months. 

During Teddie’s speech and language appointment not much was done with Teddie, was more us (me) talking about our concerns. We were in a tiny room, with a small about of toys on a table for Teddie to play with,  all while he was being observed (apparently). 

I was very honest and wondered if we had left Teddie out of day to day things, Were we allowing him not to talk?? 

As parents we always question our decision making, did I do the right thing by him, did we leave him out, should I have taken him to more toddler groups or were the groups we went to the right ones for him??

We constantly beat ourselves up over everything when really kids are just kids and they are who they are.

Although children reach developmental milestones at different times, when does a child become not ‘normal” (hate that word)

We all get them weekly ‘Your child should be…’ emails from the minute we fall pregnant! Why do we do it to ourselves??? Our children are who they are why do they have to be like the child next to them.

A 3-4-year-old should be able to Correctly name familiar colours, Count, and understand the concept of counting, Sort objects by shape and colour, Complete age-appropriate puzzles and recognise and identify common objects and pictures. 

Teddie is advanced in all the above areas but he cannot verbalise any of it.

I’m sure this is just the beginning of Teddie’s journey, we will support him and will always be his voice!

We love our Bear and wouldn’t have him any other way.

Our Bear……….

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Someday’s it doesn’t even cross my mind that there might be something wrong with Teddie.

He’s been the dream child of late, Scrap that he just drops his bourbon and a piece have broken off, I’m now trying to piece it together…..

oh, help!!

Other than the bourbon meltdown, he’s played with his toys, watched a few films, played in the garden and now playing with some coins I gave him.

There are situations at times where you just wanna say

‘no’

in a very stern voice but you know it will only come back and bite you in the arse.

Our reactions to situations are as important as Teddie’s, even Teddie has done something is wrong we must reassure him over telling him off.

Teddie uses visual for everything, so shouting and showing any signs of distress will only affect him and make matters worse for a few minutes (will feel like hours), so getting down to his level and showing & telling him

‘it’s ok’

with a massive hug normally does the trick.

These things are sent to test us.

We love our Bear and wouldn’t have him any other way!!