Loosen the reins…..

Teddie is off on a school trip today……..without me!

As much as I wanted to go with him today I have tried to take a step back and start to let him experience things without me even though my anxieties are getting the better of me at times. Teddie was under the impression I was going on the trip today, every time he mentioned me going I just tried to divert the conversation onto everything but me going. This morning Teddie burst into our bedroom and said;

“25th April, its the school trip today, Mummy you can do your work after lunch and come with Teddie on the school trip, deal? (puts out his hand for a handshake) A deal means yes”
Gareth and I burst out laughing as he was a very matter-of-a-fact about what was going to happen, I replied with; “Pancakes for breakfast?

Teddie was slightly upset as we walked to school, he thought he was getting the school bus from the village bus stop- always a logical a thinker this boy, once we got into class he was fine. I dent down to his level and told him to have an amazing day and to stay with Mrs Henderson at all times, Teddie had the most beautiful response, he put both hands on either side of my face and said;
“You have a lovely day mum, you need to look after the dogs and Doddie (Harvey, who’s at school lol) and do your jobs” Holding back the tears I kissed him goodbye. It’s hard to let go of the reins but I know he’ll be ok and if he isn’t it’s a learning curve for everyone.

During the Easter half term, Alfie and Teddie stayed at my sister’s for a sleepover, I wasn’t keen on Teddie going, however, he was sooooooo excited about it;
“On the 17th April sleepover at Aunty Em’s house”
Teddie was counting down till the sleepover so I couldn’t crush his little heart and tell him he’s not going. I had no issues with him being with my sister, my issue was their dynamics are completely different from our’s even though my family know our routine and how we do things they only know how we do it at our house. We live our life without even thinking about it whereas others do not see things as we do, for an example, my sister said she was planning on having a garden day with the boys, they can all play while she cuts the grass. What she had forgotten was, Teddie, cannot cope with the noise of a lawnmower had she put it on he would have made a frantic run for the house and possible not gone outside while he stayed over or ever again as he would have made an association of fear to her garden.

My sister had also mentioned taking the boys to the park the following morning, as she said it I felt physically sick with the idea he was out without me, again it’s not that I don’t trust my sister I’d be the same if Gareth took the boys to the park and he’s their dad! In that second every scenario went through my mind I had visually made a missing person’s poster for ITV news and knew who to call if he goes missing, I’d use my radio connection to get the word out there, I also ponded on what picture to use for the police as we have so many lovely ones of him………..This is all RIDICULOUS I know but it’s a process I need to go through in order to leave the house lol.

With all this worry Teddie had an amazing time at the sleepover and at the park, he didn’t want to come home he had so much fun. For such a long time I have been Teddie’s voice and made decisions for him when he couldn’t but Teddie has really changed these past few months, I cannot explain what’s happening before our eye’s. Teddie’s choice of vocabulary is astonishing at times I wonder where he’s heard the things he says. He is putting everything into context and choosing to use describing words during conversations. Teddie is a logical thinker, he takes after me for this, he also seems to have a reply for everything of late when I tell him to “Shush” his response is; “Do not shush me mummy no one is sleeping” Last week I told him he could wear his superman socks, I said “wow, Teddie, you’re Superman now”, his reply was;
Get serious mum” Have we got a teenager already??

All we have ever wanted was for Teddie to experience life as Harvey and Alfie have, now Teddie is communicating better I honestly think this will all be possible. Although we are not naive to think that things do not constantly change, what works today is not the same for tomorrow or next week, however, for now we are heading down a path that couldn’t be brighter.

We love our Bear and wouldn’t have him anyone way!

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