I put my hands up, I’ve asked for help!
Trying to fall asleep with the thought of your son wrapped in barbed wire, head stuck in between climbing ropes or getting out of the school are all thoughts that race through my mind as I lay my head these past few nights! I know these thoughts aren’t rational I think them because anxiety changes the way that your brain interprets and stores information.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is the thought (“obsessions”) that you simply cannot get out of their head eventually they adopt behaviours, known as “compulsions,” For me, I always thought that something terrible would happen to the boys, never me only ever the children. I would call in sick at work (sorry girls) because my mum was taking the children out for the day- if I didn’t go to work the children wouldn’t need to go out!
Unless you have ever suffered from anxiety you will never really know how it can make someone feel. Anxiety can be caused by many things, stress, Your genetic ‘makeup’, trauma or a family crisis.
For me it started in 2008 when our world felt like it had been turned upside down, Alfie (our middle son) than 10 months was in the hospital with septicemia and pneumonia. It’s a day I remember like it was yesterday, I stood watching in horror as Alfie was rushed past me by the medical team as he deteriorated. He had wires and tubes every where it was touch and go for a while!
As Alfie got older my anxiety did withdraw slightly or I’d go through periods where I convinced myself I was fine and was just overreacting. After I had Teddie and it became apparent he had addition needs my anxieties became worse than ever, I know it’s mainly due to him being more vulnerable than Harvey and Alfie.
I cannot do anything with the children without running every scenario through my mind, Its sounds morbid and strange I know but if I run through what might happen if it does happen I’ll know what to do.
There’s really no shame in asking for help, It wasn’t till one of my friends reminded me & gave me the push to make the appointment, thanks, Lydia!
I knew once I started telling the nurse how I have been feeling the flood gates would open! The nurse was so lovely and allowed me to get it all out, took a while as I had that ugly cry talking face (not a look)
I had to see the doctor as well, as I wasn’t feeling depressed she thought it best to see what the doctor thought the best care option would be.
I’ve been given a low dose of Sertraline, Although it may take months for the medication to really have an effect, I instantly feel better knowing I had taken the first step. My advice to others who are feeling or showing symptoms of anxiety (or depression) is not to sweep them under the carpet, I have spent years feeling the way I have when I didn’t need to feel like that.
Life with a Bear 