The children are staying with my parents this evening, so Gareth and I are hitting our village pubs. It’s something that has been arranged for a few weeks but this morning I have that knot in my stomach and the realisation that Teddie is staying out.
I know he’ll be fine as he’ll be with his older brothers, they both know how our system works with Teddie but still makes me sick with worry.
Even without having complex needs everyone runs their house different and although this is my parents, The boy’s grandparents, I still worry. Teddie see’s my parents all the time, either at our house, at theirs or on days out but hardly ever on his own-, he hasn’t stayed out for nearly a year (nor has the older two), He loves my parents, and I know he’ll be okay but I worry he’ll get upset.
I’ve always had major anxiety but only ever towards the children, It’s always been at its worse when the younger two boys have each been around the age of 3, (strangely never had it with Harvey, at that age)
If I knew my mum was taking Alfie out then I was at work, I would phone in sick- Every possible Scenario would flash before my eyes and I would go to bed worrying sick about “what may happen” and end up keeping him with me the following day.
It’s really hard to find that line between trying to be a “super mum” and being a wife. I give my everything to all 3 of our boys, but of course, Teddie gets the most attention- just because he needs that extra time to digest the world around him. I see in Gareth’s face & voice at times the disappointment because I’ve changed my mind on having an evening out because it means the boys are staying out.
I felt my anxieties had just eased off as Alfie got older but then Teddie came along- Him now having complex needs really doesn’t how I feel as all them Scenario could happen so much easier with Teddie as he see’s the world different from how Alfie did.
The issues I have are my issues and I never let the children see me worrying as it’s not their burden, but I know my husband can- I know my family can, I know they think I think they can’t look after the children Especially Teddie- I know they can but it doesn’t stop me worrying.