What is ‘normal’


Living with a Bear can only be described as unpredictable,  Bear is our 3-year-old son Teddie. 

Teddie is our 3rd son, he wasn’t planned but we were overjoyed when he came into the world. 

Having a 3rd child didn’t feel much different than having 2 children, what was hard was the age gap. There are 10 years from oldest to youngest and 6 years from middle to youngest. 

For about a year after we had Teddie my husband and I would find ourselves saying:

‘This time last year we would be chilling on the beach, (the older two would be kind of self-sufficient)

This time last year we were…….

you get the drift, we were still adjusting to life with a small boy. 

Teddie hit all his milestones apart from one. At 2 he still wasn’t saying anything, and I mean nothing. 

As the health visitor entered our house I knew I had a jobsworth here, she was an older health visitor and I knew then Teddie wouldn’t conform and tick all her boxes. 

We went through the motions, can he do this, can he do that, I brought up the fact that Teddie wasn’t saying anything first as It Is always easier hearing it from the parent rather than the professional. 

25 words are the baseline for toddler talkers but this is for late talkers, 75-225 words are the ‘normal’ range for a 2-year-old so Teddie showed signs of delays.

A referral was made and we waited a few weeks for an appointment to see speech and language, It was in October so Teddie would be 2 years 5 months. 

During Teddie’s speech and language appointment not much was done with Teddie, was more us (me) talking about our concerns. We were in a tiny room, with a small about of toys on a table for Teddie to play with,  all while he was being observed (apparently). 

I was very honest and wondered if we had left Teddie out of day to day things, Were we allowing him not to talk?? 

As parents we always question our decision making, did I do the right thing by him, did we leave him out, should I have taken him to more toddler groups or were the groups we went to the right ones for him??

We constantly beat ourselves up over everything when really kids are just kids and they are who they are.

Although children reach developmental milestones at different times, when does a child become not ‘normal” (hate that word)

We all get them weekly ‘Your child should be…’ emails from the minute we fall pregnant! Why do we do it to ourselves??? Our children are who they are why do they have to be like the child next to them.

A 3-4-year-old should be able to Correctly name familiar colours, Count, and understand the concept of counting, Sort objects by shape and colour, Complete age-appropriate puzzles and recognise and identify common objects and pictures. 

Teddie is advanced in all the above areas but he cannot verbalise any of it.

I’m sure this is just the beginning of Teddie’s journey, we will support him and will always be his voice!

We love our Bear and wouldn’t have him any other way.

Our Bear……….

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Sometimes it does not even occur to me that anything could be ‘different’ with Teddie.

He’s been a dream child lately, except for a few slip-ups here and there. This morning he dropped his bourbon biscuit and a piece broke off. He was so distraught about it that he tried to get me to put it back together for him.

Our reactions to situations are just as important as Teddie’s. Even when Teddie has done something wrong, we need to reassure him rather than reprimand him. Teddie perceives everything visually so if you shout at him (which we would never do) and show any signs of anger, he will react, leading to an unhealthy environment for him and all of us.
We firmly believe that behaviour is the greatest form of communication. I would rather spend the time looking into the route of the problem than let Teddie think I am unhappy with him.
I have always loved the term “leading by example”. We want Teddie to know that he can come to us if there is a problem and that he knows he will not get a negative response.

Apart from the emotional bourbon problem, Teddie enjoys playing with his toys, watching a bit of TV, playing in the garden and enjoying playing with coins I have given him.

Remember, these things are sent to test us.

We love our Bear and would not have him any other way!!!